Upon their ancient malice will forget With the least cause these his new honours

A quick, vulgar version of Coriolanus.  Part II.

Act II, Scene I.
Rome.  A public place.

(Enter SICINIUS and BRUTUS, twirling their mustaches)
Sicinius: It's good to be evil!
Brutus: It is!  And to be a tribune of Rome!
Sicinius: Yes!  Haha!  It is good to be an evil tribune!
(Enter MENENIUS)
Menenius: Hey guys.  We're gonna make Coriolanus a consul.  Wanna come watch?
Brutus: What?  But we hate him!!!
Menenius: Yeah, whatever.  (Exits)
Sicinius: That blows.  Hey!  Wanna see if we can get him killed?
Brutus: Great idea!  Yippee!
(Exeunt)

Act II, Scene II/III.
Rome.  The Forum.

(Enter MENENIUS, MARCIUS and SOME SENATORS)
Menenius: Guys, Coriolanus is awesome.  I would gargle his ba...
First Senator: None of that now, Menenius!  What do you think this is, Ancient Rome?
Second Senator: No, let's just make him a tribune.
Menenius: Okay.  Now, Coriolanus, there's some citizens outside.  You don't have to suck up, just be a little nice.  Then they'll elect you.
Coriolanus: Okay.
(Coriolanus goes outside, where SOME CITIZENS have gathered to elect him)
First Citizen: Dude!  We heard you're awesome!
Second Citizen: Yeah!  We want to elect you!
Coriolanus: What?  Citizens?!?  Fuck you guys!!! (exits)
First Citizen: Oh.  What a dick.
Third Citizen: Yeah.  I guess... we'll... elect him anyway?
(Enter SICINIUS and BRUTUS)
Second Citizen: Hey!  Just what we need, some tribunes! We elect Coriolanus.
Sicinius: Really?  But... he's kind of a dick.
First Citizen: Got a better plan?
Brutus: Yep.  Lynch mob.
Second Citizen: Lynch mob?
Third Citizen: Lynch mob!!!
(Citizens exeunt, while SICINIUS and BRUTUS twirl mustaches)

Act III, Scene I.
Rome.  I don't know, somewhere in Rome.  MENENIUS and CORIOLANUS are hanging out with SOME SENATORS.

Menenius: Dude, you're going to love being a consul.
Coriolanus: Okay.
(enter SOME CITIZENS, BRUTUS and SICINIUS)
First Citizen: Coriolanus!  We're going to hang your ass!
Coriolanus: Citizens?  Fuck you guys!
Menenius: Yeah!  He's a consul now.
Second Citizen: Nuh uh!  We unelected him!
Menenius: Wait, what?
Brutus: Yep!  We can do that because we're tribunes.
Coriolanus: Tribunes?  Fuck you guys!
(SICINIUS gives CORIOLANUS the finger)
Citizens (chanting): Hang him!  Hang him!
First Senator:  Nope.  We're just gonna banish him.  You know why?  'Cause senator outranks both citizen and tribune.
Coriolanus: Senators!
Second Senator: Fuck us guys?
Coriolanus: Yup.  (exits)
(BRUTUS and SICINIUS twirl mustaches)