I've finished The Winter's Tale. Man, Leontes is a dick. I now have a least favorite Shakespeare character. See below:
London. The GLOBE theatre.
(Enter LEONTES, HERMIONE, POLIXINES, various OTHERS)
Leontes: I'm a whiny little baby. Please don't go, Polixines, you're my best friend and I don't know what I would do without you, even though my wife is awesome, gorgeous and fertile and I'm a king.
Polixines: Nah. I'm leaving. Nice to see you though.
Leontes: Really, really pregnant wife, please make him stay!
Hermione: Polixines, if you don't stay, I'll throw you in jail. Which I can do because I'm the Queen.
Polixines: Ummm... Okay. I guess.
Leontes: What?! You guys are fucking, aren't you! I'll kill you Polixines!
(Exit POLIXINES, fleeing)
Leontes: Cheating bitch! I'll throw you in jail!
Various Others: Dude, chill! You've flipped your lid, she's faithful and he's your best friend. Also, she's hella pregnant!
Leontes: Fuck all a'y'all! Anybody who disagrees will be executed. I can do this because I'm the king!
Various Others: Ummm. Okay. I guess. But you're nuts.
LATER
(Enter LEONTES, PAULINA)
Paulina: Hey, asshole. Here's your daughter. Your wife died giving birth to her in a filthy jail cell.
Leontes: Good! Cheating bitch. Get rid of that thing.
Paulina: Notice how she looks just like you?
Leontes: Whatever. Burn it. Or like, hit it with a hammer or something. Just get rid of it.
Paulina: I ummm... guess I'll take it away now.
Leontes: God, but it's good to be king!
STILL LATER
Leontes: Oh, hey! The prophecy I sent for arrived! This'll show everyone I'm right!
Officer: The prophecy says (reading) Leontes is wrong, and also an asshole. If he doesn't believe me, his son will die right away to prove that I'm a real prophecy.
Leontes: I don't believe it. I'm still right.
(Enter SERVANT)
Servant: Hey, asshole. Your son just died.
Leontes: What? You mean the prophecy is right and everyone else is right and I am wrong? Oh woe!
Everyone: Fuck you.
He is kinda a plot device. You know, a tool.
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